So this is how I think product ideas are formed at Apple:
Location: Apple HQ, 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, CA
Bright flash of light, loud sound of thunderclap. A hoverconverted DeLorean settles to the ground where high-level Apple execs are waiting. Door opens, Steve Jobs gets out.
Steve: All right guys, in the future, there are no more iMacs. Just cool panels that look like oversized iPads which run iOS and OS X. Make that happen, OK?
So BP is shelling out more money, this time for an explosion that happened five years ago. Seriously, do they have any money left?
At this point, they have so much bad press, they’ll probably fork over money to anyone or anything to avoid looking worse. Here’s a good get-rich-quick scheme: email BP and tell them that you’re gonna go on an arson rampage, setting fire to all kinds of stuff and taunting investigators by leaving notes that brag about using BP gasoline as an accelerant. They’ll probably hand over $5 million without even blinking if you promise not to do it.
OK, the kid isn’t growing up yet, just growing. But wow, time’s been flying by! I just wanted to post some kind of update before our next doctor visit (which is happening this morning).
The results of the diagnostic ultrasound we had a couple weeks ago were totally fantastic! There’s very little risk of any severe genetic abnormalities and the kid is growing just fine. Yay!
Now we’re off to the next OB-GYN checkup. Next month, we go in for another ultrasound where we’ll find out the gender. Start the betting pools now!
Here’s how I imagine this conversation went:
BP: Hello, is this Dick Cheney’s former press secretary?
Dick’s press secretary: Yes it is. May I ask who’s calling?
BP: Sure. This is BP, the most hated company in the world. We’ve made Blackwater and used car salesmen look great in comparison. We need help channeling public hate. Do you have any experience in this area?
Dick’s press secretary: Of course! I used to work for Voldemort and I made lots of people think he was just “tough on terrorists”. This conversation is off-the-record, right? Dick doesn’t want anyone to know he’s actually the Dark Lord.
BP: You’re hired!
This couple has been married 62 years. They spotted a piano when they went to a Mayo Clinic for a checkup, so they put on this impromptu performance.
This is what a positive attitude about life can do for you!
Yesterday was my birthday and I received some great birthday wishes on Facebook and Twitter. I wanted to share some of my favorites:
“Happy barfday, amigo!” -@hepnova
“Happy Birthday to the coolest/geekiest soon to be Dad in AZ!” -@design_gal
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. Have a great day :)” -@wconeybeer
“I heard it’s @matthewpetro’s birthday. In honor of this great day, I will have a lot of coffee.” -@sirobins
“I don’t know how old @matthewpetro is today, but I’m gonna venture it’s in the area of Baby Daddy. Happy Birthday, instigator.” -@bullybully32
On this day a Matthew was born,
He didn’t cry but was awfully forlorn,
For the nurses were mean,
And wouldn’t give him caffeine,
So his life-pledge to coffee was sworn!-Jeff Moriarty“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! *spank*” -The Fabulous Amy Donohue
“Happy birthday, and may nothing suck worse than office coffee this year!” -Stacy Holmstedt
“Happy Birthday! Being a new Daddy will make this year extra fun. You will not sleep again until, say, 2033.” -Kathleen Adams
And my ultimate favorite:
“Wishing the love of my life the happiest of birthdays! :*” -@traciepetro
Thanks to everyone for all of your funny, kind and/or inspirational words. I’m a lucky guy to have such great friends in my life!
Yup, I’m starting yet another outlet for my thoughts, musings and random stuff. I figured it would be fun to have a place in which I could write more than 140 characters, but wasn’t my blog. I want to keep my blog for big thoughts which I want to flesh out.
This Tumblr is for funny, casual and goofy stuff. At least, that’s how I’m starting it.
Thanks for reading!
